Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
