i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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