my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
there is puke in my bra ... again
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