you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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