Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
