so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My life is pants optional.
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