Operation Purity has been aborted
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize