What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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