here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
