I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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