No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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