I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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