New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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