Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
