No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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