when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cockslap morals
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
