I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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