he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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