I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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