PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
