I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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