mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
