the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
