He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
