Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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