i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
