if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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