oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So here I am, sexting at work.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
