i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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