U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
