You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
