thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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