i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
