is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
