On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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