so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i came on her dog
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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