They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
