So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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