we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
