Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
