My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A+ Viking dick
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
