If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
