YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
