ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
