there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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