I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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