I wish they made helmets for livers.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
