He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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