All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
