garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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