He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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