I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do vagina's smell?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
