No stitches, just platelets and will power
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
