Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
