Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
