The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
