So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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