Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
