possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
