Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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