you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
