She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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