I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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