I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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