Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
