Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
