hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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