I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
