My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
