apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I looked at my own cervix.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
