ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
