i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
