that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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