Me too!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
