The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
