between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.