Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh