I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize