I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish i was in the wii world.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
