am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
