i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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