I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
