porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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