I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
