I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
